Hair Policy Changes at My Workplace

Randy Austin

I work in a small investment firm with 18 other guys and my boss, Mr. Thomason. In a meeting we had two months ago he told us there were going to be some big exciting changes ahead for our company, as we were poised for growth. He told us that our success in the financial field had brought with it new responsibilities, and required new thinking from all of us. He said that in order for us to meet the rigorous goals set out for us in the new fiscal year it would require a major change in attitude. He told us he felt one of the most important things we could do to effect the new attitude would be for our group to adopt new stringent dress and grooming codes. He told us that from now on all of us had to be immaculately groomed and dressed at all times.

As far as the clothes go, it just meant that casual dress, going coatless or tieless, would no longer be allowed if we had work to do in the front office, which is where we meet our public.

But the biggest changes would be in the company’s new hairstyle policy. He said he didn’t think the new hair grooming requirements would be a problem for any of us to adapt to because we were only hired in the first place because we cared about how we looked, on top of having the requisite skills in our field. In the past we had all tended to use hair gel and comb our hair neatly.

But Mr. Thomason said that from now on we were all going to be sporting real men’s haircuts. Our hair was to be cut with neatly clipped sides, and to be dressed with plenty of pomade and hair crème, or a combination of both. The hair was to be parted, combed into a manly pompadour, and finished with a beautiful front wave or flip. The heavily greased wet look was to reach to every hair on our head, including the short hairs at the base of our hairlines. Our product had to be visible in our hair, and he wanted us to be able to smell either the Groom & Clean, or the American Crew pomade and crème in each other’s hair. He said, "I want you smelling like well greased men, with big manly pompadours with a nice front wave, and a tight clean part. Good grooming shows me you care about and respect yourself and your fellow employees."

So that our hair stayed in tiptop well greased and combed condition Mr. Thomason said it would be good if each of us to got into the habit of recombing and greasing our hair at least once every two hours. He also suggested that each of us pair with a coworker, who would be our greasing buddy. He suggested that the buddy system would help us all to monitor each other’s hair, making sure we all had enough grease in our hair and we were neatly combed.

Mr. Thomason told us how he wanted each one of us to experience the thrill of standing along side our co workers, shoulder to shoulder, knowing we were all heavily greased, parted, pomped and flipped to the hilt. He wanted us to feel the pride only well greased men can feel as their slick hair gleams in the light, and the manly odors of each other’s greased hair mingles and bonds us.

He told us we would all be attending a hair discipline retreat on the following weekend. He also told us that we would be going on such hair retreats a couple of times each year.

Our first retreat was held at an isolated mountain cabin and it was a beautiful event. He said the purpose of the retreat was to make us feel totally secure in our new hairstyles so the company would benefit.

The techniques used at the retreat were shocking at first, but they worked. The first morning there we all had to get naked and shower together. Then we all had to help grease and comb each other up according to the new company hair guidelines. As we all stood around greasing and combing each other in the nude, Mr. Thomason encouraged us on: "That’s the way boys! I want to see all of my boys heavily greased, oiled, and pomaded. I want to see sharp parts on all of my employees. I want to see you proud in your big pompadours and front shiny wave. I want you to stand shoulder to shoulder with each other, proud knowing that you and your coworkers are greased as heavily as can be. From now on, all of you are to use plenty of hair crème, grease, and pomade. I want you all greased up like real men." It was a beautiful and inspiring speech, and some of us had tears in our eyes.

The retreat required that we stay nude for much of the day so that we could focus totally on our own and each other’s hair. We got to be comfortable in our bodies and with our hair on full display. At one point we went on a hike, wearing nothing but boots and our heavily pomaded and greased pompadours. I never felt so manly in my entire life. The retreat was a beautiful event and I look forward to the next one.

When we all returned to work on Monday after that retreat, not one of us had the slightest hesitation in greasing, pomping and flipping our hair to the max. Our productivity has risen, and our entire team is well on the way towards meeting its fiscal goals. I am grateful to my company for teaching us all the importance of good grooming and helping all of us become the best we can be.

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